The Totally Illegitimate Daughter of Giotto Sawada
by TheParadoxicalOtaku
Summary: Or how Giotto Sawada came to collect his daughter of 15 years only to be met with this strange wall of insanity. Mayhem is almost anticipated. Watch as Shinoko tries her utmost to stop the mansion from going up in flames. Story labelled as completed but it may or may not be a trap.
1. FOR SPAR-FISH

/violently sneezes a new story onto the screen DID YOU KNOW THAT EACH SNEEZE CONTAINS AT LEAST 200,000 GERMS? The number of words for this story is gonna be way less than that lul.

WARNING: STORY AHEAD IS COMPLETELY CRACK AND AU. ALSO OC which I'd like to pretend is me but of course not the character is much too sassy and possibly mary-sueish badass. A GIRL CAN DREAM AMIRIGHT?

_/leans sideways PSST HAVE YOU HEARD? I DON'T OWN THE RIGHTS TO KHR. /falls flat on face_

* * *

"So Sawada-san if you'd just sign the papers here, we can then pass your daughter on to you!" The nondescript matronly figure smiled a smile that should not be this bright and happy. Especially not on a dreary Sunday morning.

"Ah right yes!" The blond clutched at the document and brought out a fountain pen with a flourish. Just as the caretaker offered him a ball-point pen.

May the awkward silence begin right... Now.

* * *

Sawada-san stared at her for a couple of seconds before her common sense finally made its long-awaited arrival and she snatched back her outstretched hand hurriedly like she'd received the most painful burn ever. Please apply cold water to burn.

Apparently Monday mornings do affect the brain. Must take note of that.

* * *

Sawada-san grinned with the intensity of a thousand suns, of which should not be legal at 10 am in the morning. Playing the oblivious guy was actually quite fun! And it really was quite fun to mess around with the emotion of others!

**/A**** YAKYUU-BAKA SNEEZES SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE\**

* * *

"OI! BRAT COME DOWN HERE NOW!" The caretaker yelled. She was met with curious stares of the other kids who had been staring at the handsome blond fellow who had come to adopt(?) Shino-chan.

Sawada-san raised a polite eyebrow._ So, caretaker seems mildly annoyed? What's wrong with my daughter...?_

He felt cold sweat beading at his forehead at the possibility of an out-of-control girl rampaging his mansion.

She stormed upstairs and flung open the door adorned with colorful skulls and Gothic hearts without a moment's hesitation because the sooner the brat left, the better.

* * *

Of course the room was empty. It just had to be. Caretaker-san sighed dramatically and turned to face the eager soon-to-be father of the spawn of the devil.

Wait, if Sawada-san was her father... Nope never mind, brain cannot compute!

"She's probably off to the aquarium again... Heaven knows why she has such the fascination with those fish." She moaned in a way unbecoming of the sole caretaker of the most prestigious orphanage in that particular district.

A young girl chirped proudly, "She even has names for all of them! She told me so herself!"

"Yes, yes dearie now if you'll excuse me, I have a brat to capture." She cracked her knuckles menacingly, prepared to deliver a whole new world of pain to Shino-chan.

"If you don't mind, perhaps I could go and fetch my daughter myself?" Sawada-san interjected politely.

"Yes of course I don't mind!" She rushed much too quickly, spinning about to face him with sparkles in her eyes.

The first raised eyebrow had yet to come down and now the second joined it for a high-five.

The kids giggled at Caretaker-san's actions

* * *

He sauntered out the polished glass doors, a photo of his daughter tucked away safely into his breast pocket.

He slid into the luxurious leather seat and gave the order to be driven to the city's only aquarium.

The curious stares of the children followed him all the way down the driveway just as he disappeared around the bend.

The kids exploded into excited chatter, gushing about how swoon-worthy Sawada-san had been also about how cool and suave he was!

Caretaker-san collapsed on the sofa.

* * *

_Guardians assemble!_ He commanded mentally. Before slapping himself sane.

"Yes, hello? I need you guys to go to the aquarium, we have a girl to capture. Ensure that she isn't harmed." A smile that was casually venturing into the smirk category bloomed on the attractive man's face.

* * *

YEA GUYS SORRY IF THERE'S ANY INACCURACIES BETWEEN YOUR AQUARIUM AND MINE. :33

* * *

Shino-san was just paying the entrance fee to stare at the gorgeous array of sea creatures when she noticed the sudden increase in number of guys in black suits. It all felt very dangerous as the crowded aquarium swelled on a Sunday morning but the people knew to instinctively give the men a wide berth.

She subtly swallowed and adjusted the hoodie to conceal her face a little bit better. I mean who wouldn't get the tiniest bit antsy?! Her palms were getting just the tiniest bit more sweaty as she strolled towards the travellator that passed underneath a solid wall of glass to observe the underbelly of the beast(s).

_OH FLUFFY-KUN THERE YOU ARE! _She squealed excitedly at the great white shark swimming at a relaxed pace beside schools of fish.

What? Couldn't a girl like fish without being judged?

She waved bemusedly at the divers feeding the fish. They waved back, recognizing the fish-crazy girl.

When she grew up she was seriously considering a job here, maybe even as a janitor. All the pretty fish she could stare at all day for free, even getting paid, without ever getting the slightest bit bored!

So far there had been no sign of the men in black. She relaxed considerably and headed on to the interactive exhibits.

* * *

Shino had all the experience of a veteran volunteer as she surveyed the area, looking out for any signs of trouble.

She gently guided the hand of a scared child to poke a slumbering starfish and reminded the rowdier kids to treat the sea creatures nicer.

They splashed her wet and she had strands of seaweed stuck to her hoodie mixed with a starfish from the tank.

Her death aura streamed out from her as she returned the starfish, making the kids screech in fear and run off. She chased after them, flinging bits of seaweed at their backs.

* * *

_HEY GUYS A CLICHE THING IS UP NEXT YEAH? Actually this whole story screams cliche. Bear with me yeah?_

* * *

She didn't pay close enough attention and slammed hard into a well-built body. _Much muscle, very hot wow. _She thought dazedly as she looked up to apologize.

Red hair and an angry glare looked back at her._ WHEN WILL MY REFLECTION SHOW, WHO I AM INSIDE. _She managed to think snarkily.

"Hey you, your name wouldn't happen to be Shino Kawasaki would it?"

"Yeah? What if it is?" She tried to make it seem tough but the rainbow still spun around her head and it came out a jumbled mess.

"Great! Hey Boss! I found her!" He said into his walkie-talkie.

"Now girl, I need you to come with me for a sec..."

Do you think a sane person would go with such a suspicious guy? I mean he didn't even offer candy! How rude!

She twisted from his grasp and took off, dashing in a zigzag.

* * *

The man was mildly impressed with her escape skills but now really wasn't the time to be impressed!

Shino managed to launch herself into the washroom and locked herself up in one of the cubicles.

Well, life wouldn't be too bad if she was stuck in the restroom for possibly the rest of her sad, sad life. At least she was still in the aquarium!

_It appears that darling daddy has finally tracked down his illegitimate daughter! Seriously am I that hard to find? _

* * *

Sawada-san, also known as Boss or Giotto-sama to his loyal subordinates had seen his daughter's frantic rush into the toilet and had become slightly amused.

He ordered his men to get the people to clear the area around the toilets, causing much disgruntlement as the people held their bladders a little longer before stepping inside.

The females promptly fainted from the overdose of attractiveness that Giotto exuded.

"YOU PERVERT. WHAT THE HECKIE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? DON'T YOU KNOW THIS IS FOR LADIES ONLY? Or are you secretly a transgender? Not that I have anything against them or whatever but this cubicle is clearly occupied..." The sly tone that had crept into her voice transitioned to a musing tone.

Marker pens lay scattered all over the floor, perhaps in the hope that the mighty colours of the rainbow would chase the red-headed man away.

"G, you may step down and leave." G gave a nod in affirmation and left.

"Oh great what now? Another minion in charge of the previous minion?" Shino-chan groaned aloud. "At least you have a smexy voice I mean that transgender red-head had a voice that ought to be in a horror movie."

_Just wait till G heard that said to his face. _Gitotto-san picked up the pens and slid them under the door.

"Thanks bro, you just reloaded my ammunition." He could imagine her satisfied nod.

He cleared his throat and hoped it wouldn't come out too cheesy. "I am your father."

"Oh that's nice, someone finally adopted me. Took you long enough. And points for the quote. But still YOU SHALL NOT PASS." She said.

"Come on, Shino-chan open the door and let your daddy dearest take a look at you." He whined plaintively.

"Great now you sound like a child rapist." She sighed. "Whatever dad, you made me waste my entrance fee you know, you gotta compensate me for the past one hour-ish that I was fish deprived. You horrible, horrible monster, tsk tsk."

The door slowly swung open to reveal a girl sitting and doodling. She looked up at her dad and was speechless for a moment.

"Wow why didn't I get any of your genes? Or are you that possessive of your good looks that you're unwilling to share? Or was my mom way too unattractive?"

* * *

He stared back at the diminutive girl. _She was cuter in real life compared to the picture I had! _

Long brown hair tied up in messy pigtails, red glasses, an over-sized hoodie and baggy shorts all made her look smaller than she really was. The eyes were all his however. Amber eyes gazed up at him lazily.

* * *

She walked out and stretched backwards. "Woo you sure made me exercise."

"Come on then sugar daddy, what are you waiting for? Me to get old? Come on old man let's gooOOOO already."

He would have spluttered indignantly but his intuition was telling him she was teasing.

* * *

"I know I told you I wanted compensation but not this horror of an aquarium, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" She caressed the cool glass and patted it lovingly.

"You sure she's your daughter Boss? Not some UMA that took the shape of her body?" G muttered conspiratorially to the amusement of Giotto.

Oh the novelty would wear off eventually.

"Be FREE my fishies!" She screeched triumphantly, scooping up a few and dumping them in the ocean.

Just not right now.

And oh yes, Giotto's house was near the ocean, amazing what power and wealth could get you hmm?

* * *

"She does know that those are freshwater fish right?" Daemon pointed out smoothly.

"POTATOES! NO FISHIES COME BACK NOOOOOO don't go to the dark side, it's creepy and cookie-less!" She wailed dramatically at the sun.

* * *

THE END! YAY FOR POINTLESS STORY-TELLING SESSIONS! Tell me how terrible it was or how sweet and diabetes causing it was. FLAMES WILL BE USED TO SET GIOTTO'S HAIR ON FIRE. So unless you want his gorgeous mane to burn, I suggest you back off!

OH YES, HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR GUYS, I'LL PROBABLY BE TOO LAZY TO POST ANYTHING SUBSTANTIAL.

Or if you want a part-two, gimme suggestions! See you lot later, or maybe never. Meh. Fave or die bby. AND WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T FOLLOW THIS YOU LIL SHYTS.

/CLINGS TO YOUR LEGS DRAMATICALLY y u no review the story?!


	2. The Revenge of Evil

I am not sure if this chapter has a point to it. Not sure if the story has a point to it either. But mehhhhhh let's just move along for now. Yay! :D

The disclaimer thing proudly announces that it does not belong to the authoress. The authoress in turn violently bashes the disclaimer on its head before stuffing it in a dark corner.

* * *

Chapter 2 of a random whim!

* * *

Waking up on a soft plush bed had been the best thing ever to happen in all puny 15 years of her existence. Living in an orphanage had not exactly been a cause for great joy, most of the time.

Thank whatever deities that she hadn't accepted the telepathic white swooshy-tailed creature with exceedingly creepy eyes and the same default expression all the time's offer about making a contract in exchange for a wish. I mean genies were better than that dumb fluff ball. Only one wish? In exchange for your soul? Even Kuroshitsuji had better eye-candy.

Unless of course you were a homosexual female or a straight male. She wasn't judging.

A young boy, no older than 4, came toddling into the room and made the universally known gesture to be picked up. Big glittery eyes that sparkled with the dreams of being spun around as well as the arms being held up were a pretty big giveaway.

She obliged grudgingly, memories of all the little brats in the orphanage that would tug on her pants and demand to be picked up swirling around her brain.

She spun him about a couple of times as he squealed joyfully.

Clapping his hands, he pointed in a direction and twisted around to face her almost seriously.

She obliged him and exaggerated her movements into that of a robot.

_I'm being manipulated by a 4 year old who probably isn't even aware of the effect he has on people. Or maybe he does know it._

She stared at him for a few seconds before the boy drooled a little on her new night shirt. _I hope not._

* * *

His eyes were firmly fixated on an ornate-looking door. She hadn't even known where he was leading her, but it was probably for the best because she had this laughably poor sense of direction that was more commonplace in the shoujo animes with an impressive harem.

_I wonder if there's a chance for me to start on my own harem, one where everyone will do my bidding willingly with just the bat of an eyelash. Or would that be too mary-sueish?_

As she tuned back out to the present, she heard several muffled thumps and pained yelps seemed to be emanating from the other side of the door.

She looked down at the boy who gazed back up with far too much innocence in those brown orbs.

Apprehension as well as a smidgen of caution make her shift the boy to her back and press an ear to the door to eavesdrop instead of outright knocking.

"She's- ready! Not-!" A defensive voice pleaded.

"Oh? -she be-? -killed by your-?"

Shino was overwhelmed by the feeling that it might have been better to never have left the orphanage. Why would she be killed? And by who?

The voice got considerably louder and a little calmer. "I don't care! I sent for Reborn when she came here! I think he's arriving possibly today or tomorrow latest!"

She had no time to react as the door opened and she found herself leaning against an attractive male that just so happened to be her father.

She smiled broadly, handed the unsuspecting father her younger sibling and prepared to make a quick escape.

If his hands were full, he would definitely be unable to kill her!

Unfortunately, her brilliant plan missed out on one thing. They usually came in pairs.

G picked her up roughly and Shino briefly entertained the ideas of a) kicking him hard in the balls, b) screaming at the top of her voice or c) fainting like a proper lady would. (She'd had much practice swooning in drama class.)

She decided against all of the above and came up with a better idea. She chomped down hard on his fleshy muscular arm, hearing a yelp similar to the one she'd heard in the room just moments before.

He relinquished the tight grip he'd had on her and she promptly dashed away.

G's grimace of pain combined with his mutter of, "Still think she's not ready?" had Giotto grinning like a madman.

* * *

Shino glanced about the dark hallways hopelessly. The aforementioned flaw to her fabulous self had just reared its ugly head. She just had to be lost in her Dad's mansion. "Someday, I will get a map as well as a better lighting system." She murmured darkly.

Picking a door to open at random was probably not the best idea because she ended ogling a body full of muscles.

She slammed the door shut immediately, mumbling gibberish as her face burned. Brain please answer. Brain? Hello? Anyone there?

The door opened and the now shirted male leered down at the teenager.

"Nufufufu now what do we have here? Such a young pervert?"

He teasingly poked her in the side, eliciting a loud screech that would have done an eagle proud, 'YOU HAVE A GREAT BODY SOMETHING YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BE PROUD OF BUT I SWEAR I SAW NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGG."

She hurried away, anxious to keep her dignity intact and to abscond from the person with the weird laugh.

_Is it a rule that whoever lives here has to be exceedingly gorgeous? Or is it just plain good luck that I ended up with the one mansion that had the hottest guys? Or maybe this is where all attractive guys end up. _She nodded solemnly, having figured out one of the mysteries to life.

Of course her absent-mindedness had her walking straight into a well-toned body. _Is there some kind of repellent I could use on attractive people?_

She spared a glance at the male before averting her eyes and pretended he didn't exist.

A bemused smirk twitched its way up his face as he gently guided his pet chameleon(because honestly why wouldn't he have a reptile for a pet.) to the trembling girl's face.

"Chaos." A warm tongue touched her cheek.

"What kinda greeting is that?! I mean 'Chaos' is usually a bad thing!" She burst out, not meeting the man straight in the eye and instead choosing to focus on the green reptile in his hand.

"Oh you sure are a little cutie patootie aren't you? Completely unlike your owner you adorable tiny thing." She cooed sweetly.

"You could use a fair bit of work. Including developing a little self-preservation ." He mused.

"Excuse ME for not having trained my entire life to get the six packs all you guys have, the only six pack I'll be getting are those with drinks inside them! Not like I had the chance to train anyway, being from an orphanage." She huffed and poked her stomach fat defensively.

He tsked at her excuses, making her look at him incredulously before she was unceremoniously hoisted on his shoulder.

"Gosh, rub in the fact that I'm shorter than most of the people in the mansion, younger brother not included, why don't you." She mumbled, making him laugh in a deep baritone.

* * *

Entering another room and being plonked in a chair, she braced herself as the chatter trickled to a stop, arms crossed and slowly looked up.

Swallowing the urge to escape from the crowded room, she sniffed imperiously, "Did I give you my permission to stop with your banal conversation? Then would you kindly continue with whatever you were doing before?"

Waving a hand dismissively, a couple of chuckles escaped the people who were staring open-mouthed at her.

The previous chatter resumed smoothly.

She picked up a piece of toast and gnawed thoughtfully on it before stealing someone else's cup of tea, ignoring the indignant shout when the person realized his tea was gone. Sipping it casually, pinkie finger sticking out regally she heard her father call her name.

"Ah Shinoko! This is your new tutor, Reborn!" Giotto beamed at her. "Though it looked to me like you two are already quite well acquainted, this makes introductions much easier!"

She swallowed the rest of her scalding tea and gave her father the best displeased look she could muster.

"What."

* * *

Yay another pointless chapter completed! I absolutely have no clue where this story is going anymore! Updates are random and sporadic so yeah, don't get your hopes up. Review this maybe? /hopeful look

Flame me for being a cliche butt that has totally no clue how to write a good fanfic? 0:)

:33 Eh whatever floats your boat so I guess you could just skim through the story and ignore it for the rest of eternity, or at least until I update again. Which might actually be for the rest of eternity. Gotta go back to bugging my muse. And watching animes. And skimming through tumblr as I waste precious time

Ja Ne!


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